He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
