I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When did angry sex become our thing?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
