I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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