She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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