Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
