Pappa wants mamma naked
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
