i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
