Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
