O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Randomize
