You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
