do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
