This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
