I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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