Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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