my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
