i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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