wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
