i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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