I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I need a beard to bite.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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