Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
