no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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