Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
