sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize