woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
