When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
