I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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