He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
