I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
