it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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