so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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