My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
