mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
