i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
