We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
