I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize