your thong is hanging out like whoa
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
