I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
