Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
