I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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