There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
