I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
