And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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