somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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