she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
