Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
