Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
