we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
