Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
