If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
