We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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