U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize