i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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