So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
