just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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