dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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