Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
