I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
