I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
