My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
