TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
