I think i peed on brittanys purse
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
