I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
