FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
