No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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