News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think people are normalizing furries
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
