Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
