he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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