If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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