I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
