I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize