I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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