For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
