my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
