Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
