sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
