I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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