how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
