Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
did you just send me my own nude
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
