Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
