Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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