I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
