Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
