I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
