my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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