So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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