I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
