Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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