I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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