Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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