As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
