I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
