Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
