If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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