you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
