just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize