I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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