Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
