So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
