I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
