My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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